When you are afraid, you start going into fight or flight mode. Your body starts prioritising what is needed for immediate survival - screw routine body functions, if you don't make it past the next few moments there won't be a routine to return to. You stop digesting food. Cell repair slows or stops. You stop producing saliva, which is why your mouth goes dry when you're nervous just before making a speech or going into a difficult conversation. Your heart rate and breathing increase to ensure better blood flow. A cocktail of hormones like epinephrine and oxytocin are cued up and produced, which amplifies your body's ability to act (and remarkably, in the case of oxytocin, reminds you to seek help).
Don't be mistaken about what happens when you feel fear. Your body is readying itself to help you face what you fear in the way it knows how.
What causes us to feel fear?
1) Fear occurs to us unconsciously. Do you pause to think, hey, very angry looking snake! Maybe I should be scared. Of course not, it would be too late! Fear becomes much clearer when we examine what happens inside your brain. When you are afraid, the fear/anger/aggression/anxiety centre of your brain - the amygdalas (get used to this name, it's gonna keep popping up) lights up. And we've covered all the changes that happen in your body: your blood pressure, your hormones, your heart-rate. But remember how amygdala is like a train interchange with direct routes to different parts of your brain? There is a direct neural link between our amygdala and your pre-frontal cortex, the rational thinking part of your brain. And if we look closely enough or we think things through, sometimes we realise, argh! it's not an angry snake, it's just a prank toy that your annoying friend had thrown at you. Or if you've handled angry snakes enough times, your amygdala does not light as much. Your blood pressure and your heart rate do not increase as much, you realise what you need to do is to stay calm and slowly back away.
Finally, notice how fear, anger, aggression, and anxiety are processed by the same part of the brain, the amygdala. This is no coincidence. These 4 emotions are closely tied to one another; aggression maybe triggered because one is nervous, angry, or fearful. Being fearful may cause one to react angrily, as a self-defense mechanism. Fear, like all our emotions, happens to us. Mostly, we can't control how it originates. But we can control how it develops by understanding what exactly is causing fear and by choosing the response that dispels it
2) We fear what we are unconfident or uncertain about. Think back on your ancestors doing something they weren't confident or certain off - hunting a massive animal without a weapon, or eating a berry they've never seen before. Doing so would mean a very high chance of seriously harming themselves. Today, after many cycles of evolution, we have been wired based on these experiences.
Think about it. Are you ever fearful of something you've done before, and are good? Brushing your teeth, putting on your clothes, indulging in your favourite hobby (whatever it is)? Of course not. You know you can perform these functions easily. You are confident.
But many of us would have felt fearful and anxious the first time we ventured into something new: using a pair of chopsticks, riding a bicycle, swimming, going on a first date. We were uncertain about these functions, and we were not confident about performing them. However, once we have demonstrated to ourselves that we are able to perform these tasks, we are no longer afraid. The same applies to more challenging tasks. Some of us struggle with: public speaking, starting a business, having a very difficult conversation with the CEO... You are uncertain and unconfident if you can succeed. But once you have proven to yourself you are able to do it, even for the more challenging tasks, you are no longer afraid. People might start off feeling scared about public speaking, but after speech 3797, you're pro The catch, of course, is that sometimes, we are too scared to start.
Even if we were certain of something OR confident about something, many of us will still feel some amount of fear. We might be theoretically certain how we should use a pair of chopsticks, but if we have never succeeded in using them properly, we remain unconfident and will still feel nervous if we had to use them, especially when others are observing. You might also be confident about
3) we fear what is painful. Boxer. climbing 100 flights of stairs or doing 100 burpees. But pain is not just physical but mental. Failure is painful. Being judged is painful.
This is why you procrastinate. You either fear what you have to do bevause you don't know how to do it (you don't fear brushing your teeth for example), or you fear doing something becaue you know it will be effortful
4) we fear what we cannot control
Learn more about your amygdala, the amygdala hijack, the thalamus, the pre-frontal cortex, and how your brain works here.
​
Summary:
- Fear and anxiety (and anger + aggression) are always
Ulysses Contracts
Sailing through the sirens' songs
2 epic poems exist in Greek mythology (really, the 2 poems are like the first and second part of a long story)
1) Iliad (featuring the Trojan War) and;
2) Odyessy a 10-year journey of a King travelling home after the victorious Trojan War
​
Ulysses came up with a terrific solution, that we can all learn from. He signed a contract with his future self.​
-
He told his men to tie him to the mast
-
He instructed his men to not unbind him no matter he said until they made it pas the islands of the sirens.
-
Finally, he got all his men to plug their ears, so they would not be affected by the siren song as they rowed past.
-
Ulysses' plan worked. He was seduced by the sirens' song, and pleaded and begged his men to release him. But they simply couldn't hear him.
-
Ulysses' ship made it safely across the islands of the sirens, and he heard the sirens' song.
Ever set your mind now to do something in the future?
-
Tomorrow morning I will go to the gym before work.
-
Tomorrow morning I will get up early to read a book.
-
From tomorrow onwards I will eat properly
-
By next month, I would have talked to 3 people who are experts in the area I'm interested in.
​​
Of course, you're a different person the next morning. Go to the gym? Crazy! I need to sleep. Eating properly? Just one more dessert, last one I promise.
Here's where a Ulysses Contract comes in. Depending on motivation or will to do something you should is very difficult. There are too many temptations and distractions that will cause us to give up long term goals for short term pleasures.
Ulysses ordered himself to be tied to the mast and ignored, to prevent him from leading his ship to shipwreck. In the same way, we can think of similar means to bind our future selves to do the right thing.
-
Want to get down to work tomorrow and not get distracted? Put your phone with a friend for an hour and go to a place with no internet(if you don't need it)
-
Want to go to the gym in the morning? Sleep in your gym gear, leave your alarm further away beside your gym bag, or even leave your workshoes at the gym the day before so that the only way you can get to work is by going to the gym first.
-
Want to eat properly and not succumb? Don't have food that will tempt you at home. If you're going out with friends for a meal, take the initiative to decide where to eat. Or call ahead to order your meal, so that yo don't pick something else when you get there.
-
Want to make sure you put off learning something? Make an appointment with a friend that you will be explaining the topic to him/her at a set date.
​
Write and sign your own Ulysses contracts. Don't depend on motivation or willpower, because more than likely, when the going gets tough, you won't feel like doing it.
Ulysess contracts can also be combined with the Duneier method - breaking things down into the smallest possible sub-units.