Learn to become a better you

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself" - Eleanor Roosevelt

There are so many things to experience and learn, but our lives are too short to cover everything. In just a a few hours, learning allows us to gain lessons that others took a lifetime to accumulate. We can takeaway what difficulties were faced, how they were overcome, and what mistakes to avoid. We can learn how others answered the questions we have: "What is the purpose to life? How did other find their purpose?"

“Many people operate under the dysfunctional belief that they just need to find out what they are passionate about. Once they know their passion, everything else will somehow magically fall into place. We hate this idea for one very good reason: most people don’t know their passion." - Bill Burnett (Executive Director, Designing your Life program, Stanford University)

Learning exposes us to different areas of interests, and what work in these areas actually entails. You might learn physics in school, but what do physicists actually do,a and what problems are they solving? What do entrepreneurs spend their time on? What are the different stages of setting-up a non-profit? We can

““In my whole life, I have known no wise people who didn’t read all the time – none, zero. Those who keep learning, will keep rising in life.”
Charlie Munger

Beyond life lessons and inspiration, writing a better life-story will require us to continually pick up skills and knowledge. We should avoid an overall fixed mindset ("Mindset", by Carol Dweck), where we aim to prove how smart and talented. Instead, what will benefit us in the long run is an overall growth mindset - the belief that abilities are not fixed (read more about neuroplasticity here) and that you can improve, by learning how to learn and by constantly learning. Possessing knowledge in different fields increases the probability of truly finding your unique path in life. In the examples below, everyone who succeeded in writing a better life story had to develop more skills, deeper and wider knowledge. We are lucky because this is the best era to learn. We are not confined to the education we've been through or the people we physically meet. Today, we can find material and lessons from the absolue top experts in each field, on free platforms like podcasts and YouTube. We should take advantage of how easy it is to learn today.

8 lessons I've learnt

Adopt a longer lens in life. We are often in a rush to find answers and results to our purpose in life, but rushing leads to wrong answers or delays results. Most of us are guilty of overestimating what we are capable of in 1 year, and underestimating what we are capable of in 20 years.
Some people find their passion early in life. Most of us don't. We should keep searching.
Our search can be improved by being curious and learning about other fields of work, especially if we have some interest in them.
Our passion needs to be developed. We cannot determine after just 5 swimming lessons that swimming is our passion in life. We need to develop this interest. We can only tell if something is our passion after we have gained some mastery in it.
This is because, our passion/purpose is NOT something that we will always enjoy and find happiness doing. Instead, passion is something that that we have a convincing answer(to ourselves) for WHY we are doing it.
A passion/purpose is something we are willing to struggle for, because the struggle will come:
- Personal sacrifices: great athletes and musicians spend much time honing their skills
- Having to learn other skills: People dedicated to social causes would have to devote additional time to learn skills like finding resources and managing finances
- Managing both the mundane and the risks: Successful entrepreneurs have to deal with mundane tasks such as administration, while
- Dealing with negativity: Writing your own story means that there will always be negativity, even from people closest to you. Even if your desire is just to live a minimalist life and not affect anyone else, you'll still be judged; human brains are programmed to judge people based on our lenses, and this happens by default.
- Self-doubt and failure: We've heard countless examples not to fear failure, because it happens to everyone. The goal is not be fearless, which is neurologically impossible. Your fears could at times be right, and also lend humility to your being. Instead, a better strategy is to define your fears (learn about fear-setting here), and to recognise the costs of not taking action. And.. brace yourself for the many failures that will be coming.
But, as Viktor Frankl shares, "those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.” You'll be surprised how much you can accomplish once you're convinced it is what you should be doing.
While outcomes are very important, what we really crave as humans is growth - that we are getting better in the areas important to us.

Viktor Frankl - Man's Search For Meaning

“Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself"

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

"Man's Search for Meaning" is written from the most harrowing experience. Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, was a prisoner at German concentration camps during world war 2. His parents, brother, and pregnant wife were held captive at other concentration camps, and unbeknown to Frankl, had all died before the war ended.

Frankl details the suffering, torture, and degradation of prisoners in camp. He realised that it was not the physically strong that survived the ordeal, but those that have developed a strong enough "why" to live on for.

I highly recommend taking the time to read this book. It's less than 200 pages but every page is terrific.

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness.

“I’m still struggling and I will until I die, because even if I tried to avoid the struggles, they will find me.”

“Nature gave us pain as a messaging device to tell us that we are approaching, or that we have exceeded, our limits in some way.”

“the happiest people discover their own nature and match their life to it.”

“I learned that if you work hard and creatively, you can have just about anything you want, but not everything you want. Maturity is the ability to reject good alternatives in order to pursue even better ones.”

What is a life well led? For almost all of us, this question cannot be answered without hypothesizing - we are still very much in the middle of life's journey, and how can we be sure that what we think is a good life now will the same as what we would think at the end of our lives?

Enter the longest study of happiness - the Harvard study of Adult Development. It tracked - through interviews (with participants and family members), questionnaires, medical records, brain scans - the lives of 724 men since 1938. The men came from 2 distinct groups - the first: Harvard students from their second year of study onward; and 2) boys from some of the troubled and poorest families in the Boston area.

What has this incredibly long-running study produced? The good life is built with good relationships. Good relationships make us happier and healthier:

People who have forged strong relationships suffer from less medical conditions and do so later in life. The people who were the most satisfied with their relationships at 50 were the healthiest at age 80.
Not about the number of relationships, but the quality of the relationships. Good relationships didn't need to be smooth and happy all the time, but is best defined by the confidence that they are able to depend on each other in times of need. Those who reflected that they felt they were in a safe relationship with people they can count on in times of need have memories that stay sharper, longer.
Those that remained happiest even in retirement were those who tended to their relationships, and even sought new ones through life.

Ko Wen-Jie - Taipei City Mayor

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

Before being elected as Taipei City Mayor (an amazing story in itself), Ko was a high-flying doctor, rising to be head of critical care in the National Taiwan University Hospital by age 35. With his medical experience and skill in using the latest medical technology, he was able to keep patients alive in catastrophic condition alive, even with multiple organ failures. He started wondering about the line between life and death, when he paused to look at a photo of a patient he was keeping alive - he could not see the patient, who was hidden behind a mass of machines. What does it mean to be alive? He saw that it is not any specific outcome that gives purpose to life; after all, death is the inevitable final outcome for everyone, and no one seeks death. Instead, being alive is about the constant search for life's meaning. And Ko Wen-Jie is certainly one who will not die wondering. At 55, he made a major career switch as a politician, and won the hotly contested seat of Taipei Mayor against established candidates backed by giant political parties, despite being an independent candidate with insignificant funding and no prior supporter base. As he approached 60, he climbed Taiwan's highest mountain, biked around the entire island, cycled non-stop from the northern-most to southern-most lighthouse in one day, and embraced the internet, becoming the country's biggest internet sensation, even to viewers a third of his age.

Ray Dalio - Principles

CEO Bridgewater Associates

“I’m still struggling and I will until I die, because even if I tried to avoid the struggles, they will find me.”

“Nature gave us pain as a messaging device to tell us that we are approaching, or that we have exceeded, our limits in some way.”

“the happiest people discover their own nature and match their life to it.”

"In my early years, I looked up to extraordinarily successful people, thinking that they were successful because they were extraordinary. After I got to know such people personally, I realised that all of them - like me, like everyone - make mistakes, struggle with their weaknesses, and don’t feel that they are particularly special or great. They are no happier than the rest of us, and they struggle just as much or more than average folks.

“Pain + Reflection = Progress”

Even after they surpass their wildest dreams, they still experience more struggle than glory. This has certainly been true for me. While I surpassed my wildest dreams decades ago, I am still struggling today.

In time, I realised that the satisfaction of success doesn’t come from achieving your goals, but from struggling well.

To understand what I mean, imagine your greatest goal, whatever it is - making a ton of money, winning an Academy Award, running a great organisation, being great at a sport. Now imagine instantaneously achieving it. You’d be happy at first but not for long. You would soon find yourself needing something else to struggle for. Just look at people who attain their dreams early - the child star, the lottery winner, the professional athlete who peaks early. They typically don’t end up happy unless they get excited about something else bigger and better to struggle for. Since life brings both ups and downs, struggling well doesn’t just make your ups better; it makes your downs less bad.

Marc Ching, animal activist

Marc Ching has seen and felt a level of despair, cruelty, and helplessness, that most of us will never experience. You can see the raw emotions that he displays in the video (more so if you have/had the blessing of a dog in your life). I do admire Marc's choices; it is one that isn't just about what he want or didn't want in life, but what should and needs to be done.

In September 2015, Marc made his first trip to China after hearing about the Yulin Dog Festival. He wanted to find out if the festival was indeed true - where dogs are heavily tortured before consumption, based on the belief that torture releases adrenaline, which makes dog meat taste better. At first, having arrived in the metropolis Beijing, he found no sale of dog meat, and thought it might be a thing of the past. But he soon realised a large number of slaughterhosues and puppy mills, where the most brutal torture takes place. To emphasise, it is not the consumption of dog meat that Marc objects to, but the extent of torture that happens before consumption.

What constitutes torture? Don't read this bit if you have a weak stomach. Paws cut off, boiling, crucifixion, skulls bashed in, intestines ripped out - all while keeping the dog alive.

To Marc, the horror is not just Yulin. Yulin is just the most prominent example, but dog torture has and is still taking place in many countries. Initially, Marc focussed on single rescue, buying individual dogs and sending them to vets for urgent treatment; dogs that survive are shipped back to the US, where Marc works through is Animal Hope and Wellness organisation to find new homes for them. He soon realised that given the sheer extent of torture, he needed a broader strategy. He uses the films and photos taken of dog torture to put pressure on governments, to make legal reforms on animal rights. He has tried paying slaughterhouses to stop torture, and is partnering local groups to take care and rehabilitate rescued dogs (to varied success).

Marc's view of what he has done is truly eye-opening:

"At the beginning it was about single rescue. I felt like I do what I do for myself. I believe in these lives are being tortured or abused and so if I can save a dog who would die without me and bring it to a place where they couldn't even dream. It's so beautiful and passionate and the true meaning of love and that's what I started doing out there.

When we leave, the dogs I rescue we take them to the vets after and most of them have injuries they'll die from and a lot of them don't even make transit. But the survivors, there's kind of like this ritual where I talked to them and it sounds weird but it's so personal for me. I connect with these dogs when I rescue them and I tell them, 'if you live and you make it, there's this dream that is awaiting'.

It felt like I was a hero, it was such a great thing in life. It set up my second trip when I went into different slaughterhouses in China and Korea, and that's when my life just totally collapsed. It wasn't happy anymore and it wasn't courageous and it wasn't heroic. I get to see things that you wouldn't see because you can't because it's hidden. There's a place I go to where they crucify dogs, they nail the paws of dogs into the walls, and everything I've seen that is the most I would say it's the most atrocious.

"You cannot un-see the torture you cannot un-see the abuse. I think we grew up in life believing that these things don't exist. Going into slaughterhouses, I believe a normal person is not meant to watch things like that. I never knew that human beings could be that cruel. To actually see the atrocities, it changes you. When I came back from the second trip, it destroyed my whole life. My life is still destroyed. My trips have changed radically since then I started just rescuing single lives where now I have a whole movement to end the trade based on torture and abuse that I document. People don't understand what's happening or the degree of violence and cruelty. There was previously no physical evidence of this torture being done. And what is so monumental about our movement is that I have the videos of the torture - the hanging and boiling of dogs. It's changing the landscape - you can no longer deny it happens because I have the proof, that the dog meat trade. I'm looking for them to enact a cruelty law to protect animals or to ban the trade completely.

I always write about this that I believe that compassion can be taught. I have to because if not, what I do is meaningless. In the world there's torture and horror and death and destruction but there's humanity and there's love and there's compassion. I think more than anything that's what we need - people to share the movement, because if you remain blind or if you choose to close your eyes, nothing changes. One day, I think I'm gong to die there and it's just because it's getting worse - on every trip I'm getting assaulted more and there's more of these instances where I'm almost dying. And so I'm okay with dying. I am. I'm not okay with what I do being wasted. When I go into a slaughterhouse, there's this one moment when I'm drenched because it's so intense. And I'll cut them down from a noose or pick them up to rescue them and there's this moment where time just stops and it's so primal.... it's like they understand who I am, like the dog is telling me., 'you came, you're here and you're gonna take me away', it's everything that I do and it's passion and it's beauty and it's immediate. If you appeal to the people, you can change single minds, but it can only stop if it is a law.

People think like a change has to be done on this big level. I'm nobody, I'm not famous I'm not anybody but I leave my family and I do something because I just have to. If we all just did something, the world would be so different and I think that's what our foundation signifies. In the end I believe there's hope. As long as we breathe there's life left, we have a chance.

Narayanan Krishnan, full-time social worker,Akshaya Trust

What would you do if you saw a man starving on the street? Famed novelist's 琼瑶 in her book 幸运草 (the 4 clover-leaf) wrote, "解決別人的困難，也是找到自己問題的答案" - "solving the difficulty of others, is finding the answer to your own problems."

Krishnan had been an award-winning chef with Taj Hotels in Bangalore and was set for a high-profile posting to be the chef at a 5-star hotel in Switzerland. Before leaving for Switzerland, he went back to his hometown in Madurai, India. to visit his family and to make prayers at the temple. It was on his way to the temple that he saw a filthy elderly man lying on the side of the road.

"I saw a very old man, he was literally eating his own waste out of hunger. I thought, what is the purpose of my life? What am I going to do? In a hotel, I feed all my guests. But in my hometown, there are people living without food. I quit my job, and started feeding the homeless mentally destitute and elderly who have been un-cared"

Using his own savings as a start, he wakes up at 4 am, and spends the day cooking and travelling over 200km to feed those in need, often with his own hands. Leading his organisation - Akshaya Trust - he has delivered over 2 million meals since 2002.

What was his family's reaction to him not going to Europe? His parents, with the advice of friends and relatives, took him to a psychiatrist and to a a Hindu priest, thinking that he needed mental help. He also faced societal pressure. He was a Brahmin, the highest class in the Hindu caste system. He was constantly reminded that by tradition, Brahmins do not interact with the destitute.

How did he overcome this? He brought his parents to see what he was doing, and the gratitude of the needy won his parents over. His mom told him "You feed all these people, I will feed you as long as I'm alive." Krishnan had no qualms giving up his caste status, he no longer considers himself Brahmin. "If any caste, creed, or colour is going to stop my service, I don't want to be part of it. If people are going to say that human beings are not supposed to (do what he does), I'm going to declare that I'm an animal and continue feeding the needy."

If all these sound incredible, Krishnan did not stop there.

"I wanted those I helped to feel psychologically that they are also human beings, there are people who care for them, they have a hand to hold, hope to live. Food is one part, love is another. Food gives them physical nutrition; the love and affection which you show gives them mental nutrition."

On top of food, he saw that those in need were often dirty and unkempt. To make them feel human, he wanted to provide a bath, shave and haircut. For haircuts, he sought help from barbers, but was rejected because the barbers, mindful of the caste system, thought they would lose their customers by serving the destitute. So Krishnan himself spent 6 months learning barber skills and has since given thousands of haircuts.

As the video further elaborates, Krishnan kept taking bigger and bigger steps to help those in need. Combing what was left of his personal savings and money from selling his own valuables, and using a small piece of land in the outskirts that his grandfather had left behind, he built a home for the helpless. As his work becomes more recognised, public donation has allowed him to continue his efforts in building a larger rehabilitation center. He even cremates those who have died on the streets.

"I'm not carried away by the awards or limelight. If you see me after 10 years, maybe I might have reduced 5-10kgs of body weight. But the interest I have towards the society, to care for my fellow human beings will never go away from me till my last breath. Everybody has got 5.5 liters of blood. For me everyone is the same. I am just like every person.

What is the ultimate purpose of life? It's to give!

Diana Nyad, world-record holder at open-water swimming, at age 64

At age 64, Diana Nyad made her 5th attempt at a unprecedented record - one which experts and scientists thought was impossible. Even for someone of a different gender. Even for someone much younger.

She had started training at age 60, to become the first person to swim the 110 miles (180km) from Cuba to Florida non-stop, in open waters, without a shark cage. She wanted to do so, "Because I'd like to prove to the other 60 year-olds that it is never too late to start your dreams." The unpredictable currents, jellyfish stings, tropical storms, and asthma derailed her previous attempts.

53 hours later, after hallucinations, vomiting, hypothermia, and a swollen throat from the saltwater and a swollen face from a jellyfish mask, she set foot onto a beach on Florida.

When I first started training for this, it wasn't just about the ego and about achieving this. But more importantly, it is "how much life is there left? Let's face it we're all on a one-way street aren't we? What are we going to do as we go forward, to have no regrets looking back? (I recall the) Teddy Roosevelt quote: 'you go ahead and sit back in the comfortable chair, and you be the critic and the observer, while the brave one goes into the ring and engages and gets bloody and dirty and fails over and over and over again. But yet isn't afraid and lives life in a bold way.' What a tremendous build-up in character and spirit, as you reach for those horizons.

Find a way. You have a dream, and you have obstacles in front of you, as we all do. None of us ever get through life without heartache and turmoil. But if you believe, and you have the faith, and you can get knocked down and get back up again, and you believe in perseverance as a great human quality, you find a way. Never, ever give up. You can chase your dreams at any age, you're never too old.

Every day in our lives is epic. I'm 64, and I'm in the prime of my life.

When you achieve your dreams, it's not so much what you get as who you've become to achieve them. I stand proud because I am that bold, fearless person, and I will be, every day, until it's time for these days to be done."

Kunimoto, owner of Mengokoro Kunimoto Ramen

"What's the least favourite thing about owing a ramen restaurant?"

"There's nothing I don't like. One by one, as much as I can, I put my very best in every bowl I make. With ramen, out of 100 customers, not everyone will like your food. As much as I can, with everything I can, try to put my very best in each bowl of ramen. Then if someone says it's delicious, that's the best feeling!"

It wasn't a straightforward career choice for Kumimoto. Kumimoto started helping out at his father's ramen restaurant - and he couldn't wait to get out to the working world. It was only after working as a salaryman that he realised he "wanted a job that allowed him to create something and make people happy". He came full circle back to where he started, but he allowed himself to try something else first.

Kumimoto also didn't wait for an opportunity, he created one. He called Menya Musashi, the best ramen restaurant he knew, for a chance to be an apprentice. He would work at Menya Musashi for 4.5 years.

For his dream he works really hard. 8.30am to 11pm, six days a week. And it is non-stop hard-work from the moment he enters the shop to when he leaves. "I don't really take a break, maybe 15 minutes if I can."

And finally, a little bit of advice from Kumimoto. When asked if he wanted a staff who would work as hard and cook as well as he does (he only has a part-timer) - he replied that if he really had such an employee, he would encourage the employee to set up his/her own ramen stall.

I have been lucky to visit about 40 ramen stalls. The work is mind-blowing, and the Japanese are incredibly professional. I get tired just watching these guy greet every customer, take orders themselves, cook, serve water, serve food, clear tables, clean dishes, repeated over and over again. From a selfish perspective, thankfully there are people like Kumimoto, because ramen is delicious, and it is quite frustrating watching this video without getting to taste Kumimoto's ramen.

Tom Bilyeu,
Founder and CEO, Impact Theory

"One of the greatest misconceptions of our time is that your passion/calling is hidden inside of you.

Your passion have not been lost. They have just not been developed. Passions are created, they're constructed.

It starts with interest. And then (as you pursue your interest) it's the process of gaining mastery, that you're going to find out whether your interest turns into a love, and then turns into a passion.

People who are passionate are willing to fight through the boredom and the suffering. They're thinking I want to play at the highest level (in this area) and I am willing break myself in half.

And the people that have the discipline to do that, the ones that are willing to build their life's meaning from the ground up, those are the ones with enough grit to really make it."

Seth Godin - Best Selling Author

McCandless' path to Alaska was a series of adventures in itself, hitchhiking and canoeing across different terrains. He eventually arrived at the Alaskan wilderness with little supplies and no map - probably a deliberate act. After 3 months of living in the wild, McCandless found that the melting snow flooded the rivers, trapping him and preventing his return. His body was found a month later in an emaciated state. He was poisoned consuming a seed of a plant, which prevented him from absorbing the nutrients of the food he consumed, eventually leading to his death. However,

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

“It is important in life not to be strong, but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once. If you want something in life, reach out and grab it.”

“You think that I am stubborn, but you are even more stubborn than me. You had a wonderful chance on your drive back to see one of the greatest sights on earth, the Grand Canyon, something every American should see at least once in his life. But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover.

"Life isn't about waiting for the right answer, because there is no rigt answer. There are challenges we can sign up for and emotions we can experience. When we wait for the "right thing", we miss out on opportunities to find out."

I enjoyed this interview. Seth is very precise with his thoughts, and he's articulate in expressing them. Some of us might feel trapped, because of the notion that there is that one perfect thing that we should do. Instead it's about engaging in experiences, and asking yourself:

Does this interaction leave behind a trail that I am proud of? Does going through the interaction make me glad and want to do it again?

Seth Godin has a long-running blog with over 7,000 entries! He has made it a point to write one post every day for more than 20 years, and encourages people to do so if they want to improve their writing. He often quips cheekily that you can find the blog simply by typing "Seth" into Google.

Additionally, Seth Godin was inducted into both the Marketing and Directing Marketing Halls of Fame. Marketing underpins his 18 best-selling books, of which I recommend Purple Crow, Tribes, and Linchpin (you can find more book recommendations here). While his books are easy reading, I would also recommend watching some of his keynote speeches (available on YouTube) for ideas on public speaking and content presentation - he goes through hour-long sessions with only pictures, and never needs to refer to the screen. Finally, he also runs AltMBA (alternate MBA),an online course premised on community learning. You can read a review about it here.

Top 5 regrets of the dying

- Bronnie Ware

Bronnie Ware worked for many years in palliative care, spending time with patients in their last three to twelve weeks in their lives. In the face of mortality, many went into deep reflection about their lives. In Ware's experience, almost everyone carried regrets about their lives. Below, she elaborates on the top 5 regrets. I think most of us can identify with them:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Almost every regret comes down to a lack of courage.

Accept that we are all going to die. You want to live true to your heart. You don't want to deny who you are, and who you're here to be. Honour what your heart needs, by showing kindeness and compassion to yourself as you make your choices."
"Perfection doesn't come by achieving this (particular) goal. Perfection comes in small moments, on a day-to-day basis, by making conscious choices about how you are living your life. Think about life from a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis

Serve yourself, and not just other people. Show yourself compassion.

Christopher McCandless -
Into the Wild

Is the journey more important than the destination? By conventional lenses, Christopher McCandless had a bright future ahead of him. He graduated with double majors from Emory University and was cross-country captain.

But Christopher McCandless had a different future in mind. McCandless saw wealth, possessions and his upbringing as road blocks in his search for the truth in life. He donated all his money (a significant amount for a fresh grad) to charity, cut off all ties with his family, and pursued his wish to make a trip to the Alaskan wilderness . In his diary, he wrote: “Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.”

McCandless' path to Alaska was a series of adventures in itself, hitchhiking and canoeing across different terrains. He eventually arrived at the Alaskan wilderness with little supplies and no map - a deliberate act. After 3 months of living in the wild, McCandless found that the melting snow flooded the rivers, trapping him and preventing his return. His body was found a month later in an emaciated state. He was poisoned consuming a seed of a plant, which prevented him from absorbing nutrients of any food consumed, eventually leading to his death.

“You think that I am stubborn, but you are even more stubborn than me. You had a wonderful chance on your drive back to see one of the greatest sights on earth, the Grand Canyon. But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover.

Was McCandless depressed or suicidal? This seems unlikely. As Jon Krakauer uncovers in "Into the Wild" - people whom McCandless interacted on his way to Alaska provided similar views on McCandles - he was smart and witty, with an appetite to live a life of adventure. There was also no indication of any suicidal inclination - he had always planned to return after a spell in Alaska.

Further debate rages on: had McCandless wasted his life based on a romanticised intepretation of freedom, or had he lived a fuller life in his 24 years than most of us do in a lifetime? Perhaps this final photo of him - his facial expression and his written message, gives us some hints.

Masafumi Nagasaki - a real life Robinson Crusoe

Masafumi Nagasaki lives on Sotobanari, a deserted tropical island south of mainland Japan. And the 82-year-old (and what an incredible active 82 year-old he is) has been there for 29 years.

It would be easy to assume that Nagasaki is perhaps a little deranged. But if you listen to this interview, you'd see how sharp his mind still is - each question is evaluated carefully, and he answers with aplomb.

It would be easy to assume that Nagasaki is perhaps a social outcast, who ended up on the island in despair. But Nagasaki describes himself as a positive person. He seems to live up to his claim. You can evidently see the sparkle in those weathered eyes when talks about nature. And there is a certitude about his satisfaction with his life, a satisfaction that some of us, living seemingly better and more comfortable lives, don't seem to have.

I've been a positive person all my life. As an optimist I always tried to find my place. I ended up here because I am positive. I know it was the right decision.

I won't leave, even if someone tells me there is a better place. All I want I can find here. I don't need anything else. This nature is so amazing for me. I'd never find another paradise like this.

The environment has changed me without me even realising it. That's why I stopped fishing. I feel sorry for the fish. I realised that animals only attack for survival. For example, a mosquito bites for reproduction. But animals don't hurt others without a purpose. Only humans take action without a purpose. Only human take action driven by their own selfishness.

There are also turtles laying eggs on this island. I cannot eat the eggs. I've seen those baby turtles being born and crawling towards the sea. It still gives me goosebumps when I see that. It makes me think how wonderful life is. This environment made me feel like that. This island really changed me.

Isaac Lidsky - Seeing without Sight

I am blown away by how Isaac Lidsky. There is his staggeringly diverse career - commercial star as an infant, Hollywood celebrity in his teens, clerk for 2 supreme court justices after graduating from Harvard Law School, graduating to become a litigator for the US Justice Department where he never lost a single case, founded an internet tech company that sold for US$230 million. Over time, he realised that Law wasn't for him, so he left and bought a faltering cement company in Orlando. Yea, a cement company. He turned the company around, increasing revenue 14-fold in 5 years.

Ok sounds like just another go-getter. Here's the really interesting bit: he did most of this blind.

Diagnosed with degenerative eye disease when he was 13, Lidsky reacted in a way familiar to some of us - he tried to escape from his reality. He refused to use a walking stick, because that would mean admitting to blindness, which he feared.

With his eyesight deteriorating, Lidsky found that he was walking into fire hydrants and mistaking urinals for the sink. His ophthalmologist harshly pointed out the obvious: if he had just used a walking aid, these accidents would not have happened.

Lidsky realised that the concept of Blindness as a whole was huge and intimidating. It scared him just thinking about it. But what if he broke it down into small individual problems to be solved? To move about safely, all blindness meant was that he had to carry a walking stick. Being unable to see facial expressions and body language, he adjusted by asking people to elaborate on their thoughts. (a major reason why he was able to turn his cement company around was deeper conversations due to his blindness, where everyone had to express with clarity what they felt)
Learning simply required him to get comfortable with braille and vocal recordings.

By recognising that the massive, scary concept of Blindness (capital B) was simply a composition of smaller, more manageable challenges, Lidsky was able to excel in what he chose to do. He was even able to see the positives that blindness brought, such as better and deeper conversations.

Even with the success he has had in life, Lidsky still has days where he feels scared and unworthy. On those days, he forces himself to accept that he has a choice to pick his response:

“The value in this Eyes Wide Open vision that I speak of is, it’s not about science, it’s not about blindness, it’s about the lessons we can take in really taking control over the reality we want for ourselves. Literally choosing who you want to be and how you want to live your life in any moment."

Jadav Payeng - how one man built a forest

Jadav Payeng single-handedly planted a vast forest in the middle of a barren wasteland. The forest is almost twice the size of Central Park in New York.

Jadav lives on Majuli Island, one of the largest river islands in the world. Majuli is rapidly decreasing in size, due to soil erosion. In 1979, Jadav, then still a teen, also found a larger number of dead snakes that died from excessive heat, without shade provided by trees. To solve both problems, Jadav started planting at least one tree a day. He has continued to plant trees daily every single day for over 30 years. And he tended tirelessly to the trees with his own effort, a challenging task given the harsh climate. Today the forest is home to tigers, rhinos, deer, and even a tribe of elephants.

His work went unnoticed for almost 30 years. It was only in 2008 when a photographer stumbled upon the forest and wrote an article about his, that Jadav's work came to public eye. Jadav went on to win many awards, and was even conferred the title of "Forest Man" by the then Indian Prime Minister.

But Jadav remains frustrated. He has many ideas for his forest and for Majuli, but has not been able to get governmental support. And he continues to tend to his forest while fighting off poachers:

"The biggest threat is man. They would have destroyed the forest for economic gain, and the animals would be vulnerable again. There are no monsters in nature except for humans. Humans consume everything until there is nothing left. Nothing is safe from humans, not even elephants and tigers. I will continue to plant to my last breath. I worry about the fate of the world, just like everyone else. I see bad things happen on my island, and I do what I can to help. I am just a simple man, there are many just like me. I tell people cutting down these trees will get you nothing. Cut me before you cut the trees."

An incredible, relentless consistency has dominated most of Jadav's life. It has brought him equal measures of joy and frustration. But mostly, I imagine it has brought him meaning, of having given everything he can for something he believes in.

Isaac Lidsky - Seeing without Sight

I am blown away by Isaac Lidsky's story. There is his staggeringly diverse career - commercial star as an infant, Hollywood celebrity in his teens, clerk for 2 supreme court justices after graduating from Harvard Law School, graduating to become a litigator for the US Justice Department where he never lost a single case, founded an internet tech company that sold for US$230 million. Over time, he realised that Law wasn't for him, so he left and bought a faltering cement company in Orlando. Yea, a cement company. He turned the company around, increasing revenue 14-fold in 5 years.

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