When you are afraid, you start going into fight or flight mode. Your body starts prioritising what is needed for immediate survival - screw routine body functions, if you don't make it past the next few moments there won't be a routine to return to. You stop digesting food. Cell repair slows or stops. You stop producing saliva, which is why your mouth goes dry when you're nervous just before making a speech or going into a difficult conversation. Your heart rate and breathing increase to ensure better blood flow. A cocktail of hormones like epinephrine and oxytocin are cued up and produced, which amplifies your body's ability to act (and remarkably, in the case of oxytocin, reminds you to seek help).
Don't be mistaken about what happens when you feel fear. Your body is readying itself to help you face what you fear in the way it knows how.
What causes us to feel fear?
1) Fear occurs to us unconsciously. Do you pause to think, hey, very angry looking snake! Maybe I should be scared. Of course not, it would be too late! Fear becomes much clearer when we examine what happens inside your brain. When you are afraid, the fear/anger/aggression/anxiety centre of your brain - the amygdalas (get used to this name, it's gonna keep popping up) lights up. And we've covered all the changes that happen in your body: your blood pressure, your hormones, your heart-rate. But remember how amygdala is like a train interchange with direct routes to different parts of your brain? There is a direct neural link between our amygdala and your pre-frontal cortex, the rational thinking part of your brain. And if we look closely enough or we think things through, sometimes we realise, argh! it's not an angry snake, it's just a prank toy that your annoying friend had thrown at you. Or if you've handled angry snakes enough times, your amygdala does not light as much. Your blood pressure and your heart rate do not increase as much, you realise what you need to do is to stay calm and slowly back away.
Finally, notice how fear, anger, aggression, and anxiety are processed by the same part of the brain, the amygdala. This is no coincidence. These 4 emotions are closely tied to one another; aggression maybe triggered because one is nervous, angry, or fearful. Being fearful may cause one to react angrily, as a self-defense mechanism. Fear, like all our emotions, happens to us. Mostly, we can't control how it originates. But we can control how it develops by understanding what exactly is causing fear and by choosing the response that dispels it
2) We fear what we are unconfident or uncertain about. Think back on your ancestors doing something they weren't confident or certain off - hunting a massive animal without a weapon, or eating a berry they've never seen before. Doing so would mean a very high chance of seriously harming themselves. Today, after many cycles of evolution, we have been wired based on these experiences.
Think about it. Are you ever fearful of something you've done before, and are good? Brushing your teeth, putting on your clothes, indulging in your favourite hobby (whatever it is)? Of course not. You know you can perform these functions easily. You are confident.
But many of us would have felt fearful and anxious the first time we ventured into something new: using a pair of chopsticks, riding a bicycle, swimming, going on a first date. We were uncertain about these functions, and we were not confident about performing them. However, once we have demonstrated to ourselves that we are able to perform these tasks, we are no longer afraid. The same applies to more challenging tasks. Some of us struggle with: public speaking, starting a business, having a very difficult conversation with the CEO... You are uncertain and unconfident if you can succeed. But once you have proven to yourself you are able to do it, even for the more challenging tasks, you are no longer afraid. People might start off feeling scared about public speaking, but after speech 3797, you're pro The catch, of course, is that sometimes, we are too scared to start.
Even if we were certain of something OR confident about something, many of us will still feel some amount of fear. We might be theoretically certain how we should use a pair of chopsticks, but if we have never succeeded in using them properly, we remain unconfident and will still feel nervous if we had to use them, especially when others are observing. You might also be confident about
3) we fear what is painful. Boxer. climbing 100 flights of stairs or doing 100 burpees. But pain is not just physical but mental. Failure is painful. Being judged is painful.
This is why you procrastinate. You either fear what you have to do bevause you don't know how to do it (you don't fear brushing your teeth for example), or you fear doing something becaue you know it will be effortful
4) we fear what we cannot control
Learn more about your amygdala, the amygdala hijack, the thalamus, the pre-frontal cortex, and how your brain works here.
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Summary:
- Fear and anxiety (and anger + aggression) are always
3 Siblings: An Astrophysicist, an Artist, and a corporate director
Photo Credit: Amazon
"So it wasn’t just: 'You want to grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, Indian chief.' No, it was, 'What else do full-grown humans do in this world?' That exposure was significant. I thought it was just they’re just trying to get us out of the house. But there was a master plan in place, a master objective, which was to expose the three of us to as much as they possibly could. So that when we decided what we wanted to be when we grew up, it would have a certain authenticity of origin."
Have you ever found it hard to decide what is it that you really wanted to do with life? Stanford found out that 8 in 10 people didn't know what they really wanted to pursue in life. It is a very difficult and personal question, but perhaps parents can play a more facilitative role
You might be familiar with Neil Degrasse Tyson, the astrophysicist, author, and director of the Hayden Planetarium. Tyson rose to prominence with his appearances on television, where not only is he able to communicate complex astrophysics concepts succinctly to the common viewer, his infectious passion and enthusiasm for science made him highly popular. He seems like someone who was born loving science.
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But there are a few interesting caveats behind this impression:
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First, his parents were social scientists - involved with sociology and gerontology(the study of the social effects of ageing) i.e. about actual people and relationships; in contrast, astrophysics is highly numerical and deeply theoretical - there is an intimidating amount of higher maths required, and given the nature of space(just how large is space? find out more), there are a lot of things which you just can't simply test. So his interest in space was not directly influenced by his parents
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Second, Tyson has 2 other siblings - a brother Stephen and a sister Lynn. Stephen is an accomplished artist, with works showcased at major exhibitions. Lynn is the director of investor relations at Ford Motors. In other words, all 3 siblings are pursuing (and doing very well in) careers in 3 drastically different fields.
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This did not happen by accident. When the Tyson kids were still young, their parents took it upon themselves to expose their children to all sorts of different experiences.
The parents decided to make New York City, where they lived, a learning laboratory.
Tyson explains on the Tim Ferriss show:
"But my parents would take my sister, my brother, and me to each weekend. It felt like each weekend, but it was probably maybe one or two weekends a month. But on family trips to various cultural institutional offerings in the city and in the region. So it didn’t matter. We’d go to the aquarium, we’d go to the zoo, we’d go to the art museum, we’d go to an opera, we’d go to a play, we’d go to a Yankee game, a Giants game, a college football game. It would just be something where we would observe adults doing with expertise.
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Remember what was mentioned at the start? That Neil Degrasse Tyson is now the director of the Hayden Planetarium?
At age 9, his parents brought him to the Hayden Planetarium for the first time. At the Planetarium, he was able to see learn more about stars, and how many there actually are - this is in contrast to the few tiny specks we see in our night sky. Tyson was hooked, and from there on, developed and cultivated his love for astrophysics.
It's really worthwhile to reiterate again that his parents never forced upon him something they wanted. They gave their kids:
1) the exposure to as wide a variety of topics and experiences as they could, as much as possible in the most adult setting (as compared to just watching a show or reading a book)
2) the support and space for their kids to then pursue what they were interested in.
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Related links:
I got mediocre grades, but I was not a mediocre student
How to design my life and find what I want to pursue?